he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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