Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
