my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
