He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
