My liver just broke up with me...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
