in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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