I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
