I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
