Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
