Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
