i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
