Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
