I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
