so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it glows. i had to have it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
