i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize