the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
