More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
