Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
