so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
