Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
