I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you traded sex for a burrito?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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