apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Panties = found
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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