I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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