I skipped work to stalk him.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
