the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
