3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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