Who wears a wallet chain?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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