she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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