I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize