Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
