so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
