i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
