Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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