I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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