you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
