it wasn't lemon gatorade
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize