if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
