I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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