i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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