Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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