so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
accomplished twins. life is a go
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
