Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
