dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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