We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
