I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
