Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
