I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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