I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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