So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
