I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
