he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
