I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
