giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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