i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
