one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize