Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
