dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
