Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
