dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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