I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
