Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Randomize
