He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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