420 ftw
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
