Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
