chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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