can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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