please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
