i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
