They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
