pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Screwed.edu
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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