I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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